I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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