Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
