I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
