so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize