I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
