I wish I could teleport
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I believe in your delicious
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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