your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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