Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
