How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
