the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize