i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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