That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
