I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
