She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
