tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
