i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
