I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
