i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize