he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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