I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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