Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
