I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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