no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
