dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize