please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
