Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
