thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
