i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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