dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
