So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
