I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize