i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think my vagina is haunted
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
