My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize