Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
