We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize