I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
