i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize