ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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