R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
