Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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