he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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