And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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