we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
