if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
