can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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