Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
