I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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