It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
