I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
