Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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