he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize