If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
