I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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