OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
