just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
