she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
