Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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