I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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