This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
