We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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