i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
