I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
