Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
