How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
