You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
