im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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