I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we're so committed to being not committed
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