so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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