guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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