I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
