I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
