i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she peed on how many people?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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