Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
