I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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