I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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