They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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