im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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