Do you still have your period?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
