i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
