All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
