so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i came on her dog
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
