just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
