Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
