Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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