Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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