I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize