dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
