he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
