dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
