dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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